I have a friend whose 16-year-old daughter got a job this summer answering the phone at her uncle’s law office. It was a great opportunity and paid well. But before she was scheduled to start, she told her mother she was afraid she couldn’t do it. Why? She almost never talks on the phone – she and her friends always text – so it’s a somewhat undeveloped skill for her. Not long after I heard this story, I saw an article in a human resources publication that advised companies to teach new employees how to “schmooze” in order to improve their relationships with coworkers and clients. Why? Human resource personnel are finding that more and more employees need coaching to develop person-to-person communication skills.
What relationships do we have that depend primarily on face-to-face interaction? To my mind, it’s all of the important ones and many subordinate ones. Whether it’s a spouse, child, boss, coworker or client, the quality of the relationship depends on how well we understand them. And how well we understand them depends on what we’ve learned about their personality, attitudes and behavior.
This topic was on my mind a few weeks ago when I signed up for a program conducted by Mac Fulfer, a local attorney who has become quite an expert at
“face reading.” He’s even written a book about it: “Amazing Face Reading: An Illustrated Encyclopedia for Reading Faces.” His expertise has created a second career as a consultant on jury selection, a teacher and speaker addressing companies, organizations and professional groups on such varied topics as improving sales and conducting better investigations/interviews.
Face reading is actually something we all do naturally from birth. But it is also an ancient discipline that is now being studied scientifically, with current research exploring the connection between major emotions and facial expressions. Although we do inherit certain facial features (as well as ways of thinking), our faces are a result of our thoughts, emotions and environment. When Mac “reads” a person’s face, it is like reading a map of their personality and history. He says in today’s fast-paced, electronically oriented society, many people are starved for basic human interaction and longing to be recognized for who they really are. As a result, his subjects are often both grateful and surprised, not only at the accuracy of his reading, but also at the sensation that he is really seeing them. Some even become emotional, because they have never before felt that kind of recognition.
During the program, he asked questions of the audience and had two people volunteer to have their faces read. As he pointed out their various features and explained what they indicated, he got confirmation on every one from the subjects themselves and sometimes from their spouses/friends in attendance.
When the program was over, he did brief readings for those who had purchased his book, and I was right in line. When he came to me, I was completely blown away by what he could tell just looking at my face. My angled eyebrows show I need to stay mentally in control of any situation; I am gregarious and expansive; I like to be right and I usually am because I have conscientiously “done my homework.” The two vertical lines between my eyebrows indicate I demand more of myself than I do of others. The kicker was when he explained what he called my “compassion lines” or the lines from the corner of my mouth to my chin. He said I had gone through some traumatic experiences with deep emotional pain and grief, but because of these experiences, I have compassion and empathy for other people’s suffering. That’s when I knew what he meant about people becoming emotional. He has such respect and almost reverence for what he’s seeing, the connection feels like a deep understanding of you as a unique individual.
No matter how much we depend on electronic communications devices, ours is still essentially a people business. A relationship business. I like to think we have kept many of our clients for a long time because we pay attention, listen and learn what’s important to them. Because we pay attention, our work accurately reflects their personality, the personality of their company and their goals. Because we have made that connection, they feel they can trust us.
At various times throughout the client/agency relationship, we are face-to-face with our clients. Even if we’re not experts at reading faces, we can slow down long enough to really see them, really listen, and make those connections that will resonate long after we’ve returned to communicating electronically.
